


I'm (gay) what's best for you.

by codepink



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A lot of feels, Angst, M/M, boys being slightly gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 06:11:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9371735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codepink/pseuds/codepink
Summary: "What would you do if I died tomorrow?" Sehun couldn't give Tao an answer in sociology class. He just gave Tao that look that screamed to shut the fuck up. But Tao genuinely needed to know because Sehun was the only person who would care if he dropped dead.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from aff. also, sorry in advance for any errors. i don't beta. (also severe lack of using tao's real name)

The air carried the faint smell of food stalls closing for the night. It was one of those nights where people fled off the streets because of the rain moving in from somewhere north of here. It was just chilled enough to require heavier clothes but still too muggy for snow.

And Tao wished it would snow. Snow makes everything, including the cemetery, look almost magical.

Sehun swung his legs over the side of the car, his shoes squeaking against the paint.

"Don't scuff my car." Tao warned. The window behind them was cold and it felt nice through the t-shirt.

"Put your jacket back on." Because after all Sehun is the only who cares.

Tao didn't say anything but he knew the other wouldn't let it go so he slipped back into his overcoat. The stars were barely visible through the street lights but their faint glow made Tao smirk.

"Remember when we were kids and you wanted to be an astronaut?" Sehun asked.

That dream died when his father died in that car accident. "Yeah. I wanted to be the first man to stand on Mars." Even though thinking back on it now it all seemed like a phase. A foolish aspiration thought up by a too bored and sugar rushed kid.

"And I said I'd go with you as a sidekick." Sehun continued and scooted a little closer to Tao.

Not that the older minded. Being arm-to-arm wasn't new in their friendship. And neither of them feared skinship. 

"You'd go anywhere as long as your following me." That fact wasn't new in their relationship either. Tao is actually surprised Sehun doesn't follow him into bathrooms or stand outside his window while he sleeps.

He sometime's had border lined stalker tendencies and it concerned Tao's mother more than it should. "Yeah." Was the only response he had.

Then it was silent again. The hum from the highway through the trees and down the hill drowned out the awkward. The hood of the car was still warm from the long trip through the night workers all over the road. Sehun started to kick his feet again except this time he didn't hit the car. and when he did he'd flinch and glance at Tao. But Tao wasn't angry.

"Remember when we were in freshmen year," Sehun started. "And you'd rub my head when I didn't feel good. And everyone thought we were dating?" How could Tao forget the torture the other students put them through because they thought they were gay. Well Tao was closeted to everyone but Sehun was still a mystery.

And Tao didn't really want or need to know. Sehun would tell him eventually right? "I remember." These late night talks usually consisted of reminiscing on times before they even understood what gay was.

"Would you do it now?" Sehun peeked up through his blond fringe. Tao remembers when he showed up with a bag of hair dye and scissors and demanded Tao fix his hair. Apparently his mother is still a shitty hair dresser and its a wonder how she even keeps her shop open.

"Sure." Tao nudged his shoulder and Sehun moved to put his head on Tao's outstretched legs.

Tao starts at the forehead and works his fingers into coarse hair. On days when the headaches got so bad Tao would massage Sehun's scalp with his nails. On days when the other students were a little more rough on Sehun. They were more scared of Tao, Sehun blamed his past in wushu, so they tended to keep the bullying to a minimum. "Nails." Is all Sehun said. 

"What's got you so wound up?" Tao scraped his blunt nails against Sehun's scalp. Tao wondered how his hair wasn't dead and gone with all the product he uses in it daily.

"Your question this morning." Sehun sounded so tired. Then Tao remembers that Sehun had to  _borrow_  sleeping pills from Tao. And he wonders if they're ineffective now. "I got an answer now." 

Tao had been waiting for those words all day. "Tell me." Tao tried to sound demanding but he couldn't when his friend looked so sick.

"I'd die too." Tao looked down at that and Sehun blinked up at him.

"Care to elaborate?" Tao asked and used his free hand to draw out the pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. 

"We've been best friends since elementary school," Sehun paused to hold up the lighter for Tao. They watched the smoke cloud drift away into the breeze. "You protect me because according to my dad I'm a pansy. You make sure I don't get hit by cars when I zone out in the crosswalk. You stop me and tie my shoes to keep me from falling when we go hiking. I trip over my own toes when I get out of bed." Tao bent over and exhaled smoke in Sehun's face.

Sehun breathed it in and continued, "So literally I would probably end up dying too."

Tao didn't know whether to feel honored that Sehun believed in him so much. "I think you need glasses." They both shared a laugh over that.

"Please don't die." Sehun sounded so tired and so much like he was begging. It was such a simple statement but Tao knew how much was behind it.

"I think I'm gay." Tao nearly choked and accidentally pulled on Sehun's hair.

"Ow!" Sehun hit his thigh maybe a little harder than necessary.

"What do you mean you  _think_  you're gay?" Tao threw the cigarette onto the ground and reminded himself to step on it when they left. It didn't seem like Sehun was going to answer.

Maybe Tao had heard him wrong or there was something the younger wasn't telling him.

"There's this guy," Sehun started and Tao could feel his hands start to shake against his legs. "He's sort of gorgeous." It didn't bother Tao as much as it would anyone else in this small homophobic town.

"Like SNSD gorgeous or diamond-worthy gorgeous?" Tao asked because Tao had a type too.

And it intrigued him that his friend was finally opening up about something."Mystery gorgeous." Sehun sat up and Tao's hand thudded against the car.

"How so?"

It looked like Sehun was thinking really hard. His nose crinkles up and his shoulders go stiff. "The world sees him as threatening, like he's gonna snap one day and become a serial killer. But when you get to know him he's a big baby." Didn't sound like what Tao had pictured as his ideal type. "He happens to love romance movies and cries at animal deaths. He always smells like strawberries and cigarettes."

Tao was way too observant not to realize who he was talking about. "Come." Tao opened his arms and patted his lap. When Tao was feeling especially rambunctious he'd pull Sehun into his lap and coddle him.

Because Tao needed to feel like someone was there for him. Sehun moved onto his legs and draped his arms over Tao's shoulder, but brung a hand up to cup his cheek.

"He's got these deep set dark circles that looks like makeup." Sehun's hand moved up until his fingertips were against the bags under Tao's eyes. "But I could stare at them forever. And he's got these lips that beg for kisses but is inexperienced." Sehun's thumb rubbed at the corner of Tao's mouth and he smiled. Sehun was wrong though because Tao had kissing experience.

Too many late nights and strong drinks at parties and clubs. Anyone looks appealing when you're past drunk. But he wasn't going to bust Sehun's bubble.

"Then why don't you kiss him?" Tao let his hands slide into Sehun's back pockets.

"Because he's too good for me." But Tao just chuckled and moved forward until their noses almost touched.

"He's not." Tao could smell his own cigarette breath and thought about not kissing Sehun. Who wants to kiss an ashtray? Apparently it didn't bother Sehun because he initiated the kiss.

Tao brought a hand out of the warmth of the pocket to thread it into the hair at Sehun's neck. Tao has to subtly take the lead because Sehun was a virgin kisser and was awkward. Tao's tongue darted out to lick at the line of Sehun's lips but Sehun pulled away first.

"Wow." Was all he said before dipping down to rest his head against Tao's chest. It was warm.

"Huang Zitao," Sehun's arms wrapped around Tao underneath his jacket. "I think I'm gay for you. But only you because no other guy has ever looked so good to me." Tao laughed at his sudden quietness like anyone could hear or see them anyways.

It didn't need to be said but Tao thinks he was gay for Sehun too because no matter who he hooked up with, his mind always returned to Sehun. 

Sehun breathed in the scent of strawberries and cologne on the inside of Tao's jacket. "I have a confession too." He needed to be honest with his best friend. "Oh Sehun. I think I love you and have for a long time."

* * *

 


	2. Final.

Tao glanced at the clock on the nightstand as it blinked that it was just after midnight. The pounding on the door got a little louder, the knocks closer together and rushed.

"Fuck." Maybe if he kept his eyes shut a little bit longer it would stop. Maybe if he pretended he wasn't home the offender would give up already so he can sleep.

He glanced back at the clock and barely three minutes had passed and it was silent again. Or at least it was until the pounding moved from the front door to his window. His hand shot out from under the blanket and flipped the lamp on; blinking rapidly to adjust to the sudden light intrusion.

"Sehun?" He could easily recognize the figure pressed against the glass even if it was dark outside.

He turned the latch and pushed the window open, "What the fuck are you doing here?" But he didn't have to wait for an answer to notice the bruises in the dim light leaking out of the room.

"C-can I come i-in?" Sehun's hand extended and Tao grabbed it. No answer. He just pulled him over the frame and into the warmth of the room.

Tao had countless questions for him but before he could Sehun's arms wrapped around his shoulders. Many days in high school when things got rough Tao picked up on the way Sehun silently cries. He doesn't make any noises and doesn't move around a lot. Tao's picked up on the way Sehun's fists the back of his shirts and steps on Tao's toes. Like you see in old romance movies when one of the partners can't dance and the other has to help them.

Tao just steps back until his legs hit the bed and he sat down, pulling Sehun down with him.

"Sehun, what's wrong?" Tao finally broke the silence but all he got was silence. Silence until his hands moved from Sehun's arms to the sides of his head. Sehun made a groaning noise when his head was forced out of the crook of Tao's neck. Tao kind of wished he didn't look.

Sehun's cheek was purple and the color extended around his eye. There was a cut under the discolored eye that didn't appear to be bleeding too badly. Blood was smeared around his nose and Tao was pretty sure it was all over his shirt now too.

"Who did this?" Tao asked as he stood up, sitting Sehun on the bed, and headed for the bathroom. "M-my dad." 

Tao grabbed the first aid basket from under the sink and walked back into the room. Sehun was curled against the wall with a pillow between him and his knees. Tao sat in front of him and went to pull Sehun closer by the hand. But when Sehun flinched away, retracting his hand, Tao just let him.

"Is only your face hurt?" Tao asked and started dabbing at the drying blood around Sehun's nose with an alcohol wipe.

"No."

Tao focused on his facial wounds for the time being. Running alcohol wipes over the cut by his eye and listening to Sehun whimper. Tao glanced back at the clock and only twenty minutes had passed from the time Sehun stepped into the room.

"Where else are you hurt?" Tao asked and threw the soiled wipes into the trashcan by his desk. 

Sehun unfolded himself and put the pillow back in it's rightful place against the wall. He moved to the edge of the bed and slipped his fingers under the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it off. But only got about half way before his arms gave out and the shirt stayed bunched by Sehun's chin.

Tao saw the spanse of bruising across his chest and down his sides. If Sehun was lucky no ribs were broken. Worse case scenario Tao ends up driving to the hospital at almost one in the morning. Tao crouched in front of Sehun and helped pull the shirt completely off.

"Why?" There didn't seem to be too much damage despite the coloring. Years of wushu had taught Tao what broken ribs looked like. And Tao sighed in relief.

"I don't know." Sehun started crying again and tried to wipe them away himself but ended up rubbing at the eye cut. Which just caused him to cry harder. Tao sat next to him on the bed and pulled Sehun into another hug, this time avoiding his sides and going for resting his arms around his waist.

Sehun's dad was no stranger to hitting his son. Tao had learned this their 7th grade year, when Sehun came to school with a fractured ankle and couldn't play soccer for awhile. "You can stay the night." Whether Sehun liked it or not Tao wasn't going to send him back there tonight. But just like expected Sehun didn't protest.

"I-I'm so tired of this, Tao." Sehun reached over and grabbed tissues off the nightstand.

"Me too." Tao was tired of having to pick up the pieces after Sehun's dad decides to be a jackass. Not to mention how bad things got when he had been drinking all night. Sehun sat up and away from Tao to continue dabbing the tears off the facial cuts.

Ten minutes later Sehun was shoulder deep in Tao's mom's bubble bath that smelled like flowers. Tao's mom wouldn't be home until late morning so Tao figured they could take their time in cleaning Sehun up.

"Sehun," Tao started and poured a cup of the warm water down Sehun's back. His head rolled on the edge of the tub and he grimaced. Tao wanted to kiss the grimace away.

So he did. He reached over and ran his fingers through soapy hair and pulled Sehun over. Tao didn't taste like cigarettes this time and Sehun liked that, a little more then he'd admit. Because Tao looks so hot with his lips around a cigarette.

The kiss doesn't last half as long as Tao wishes it would. But he can't really complain when Sehun's in pain.

"I swear to you that he won't lay another hand on you or your mom." Tao's been trained his whole life for violence but Tao was the most un-violent kid in this town. But Tao was tired from taking care of Sehun's injuries. Oh MinRi was a nice woman who loved Tao, so he would protect her too if he had to.

"How? How can you be sure?" But Tao doesn't have a proper answer.

"Because I love you, Sehun. And you protect what you love." He pulled their foreheads together and reached in to drain the tub. Sehun wasn't quite ready for I love you yet so Tao didn't expect much.

All he got was, "Thank you."

 

After Sehun was cleaned off and dried they laid on Tao's bed. Sehun's hands were playing with the pillowcases and Tao's hand rubbed circles through Sehun's hair. It still felt fried from the hair dye and the constant straightening. But it smelled like flowers so Tao didn't dare complain.

"I love you, Oh Sehun. You don't have to love me but I'd like you too."

Like any other night when Sehun fled to Tao's house, Sehun passed out first somewhere around 4am. Tomorrow morning his mom would walk in to get him up for school and see Sehun once again had gotten in. Not that Tao's mom didn't like Sehun, she absolutely adored him, but Sehun is shirtless and there are bruises all over his skin. They stick out so Tao's certain there's no way she wouldn't see them.

But Sehun's bare skin is warm around the bruises. And he's snoring and Tao can't sleep. He never sleeps on nights like this because Sehun kicks himself awake with night terrors or nightmares or just bad dreams.

But that night Sehun dreams of Tao and a world where there is no school and no father. 


End file.
